Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Annex

Image by John Avon

Queros held the ball close to his long face. "You're telling me this ball both knows which area is the weakest, and will tell me so?"

"The very same sir. Whichever area would be easiest for you to..." here the Identifier paused for a moment, searching for a word, "obtain, and has more land than 1000 square kilometers or more value than 1000 Parcets, the orb will know of and will show to you. No other person may see the land shown in the sphere, as long as you hold it. It seems a simple scrying focus to them."

As the scholar finished his description, the orb clouded and moved through a rainbow of colors, only for the clouds to scatter and reveal a small town, with a large mounted statue in the square and a town hall with a green, tattered roof. The image flew away on high, so that the boundaries of the area were clear, and the town became very small.

Queros frowned and sighed. "This will take some work on my part, if it is to be useful and secret. Fetch Hervanico for now, and schedule geography tutoring three times a week for me over the next month, one hour each. Not from Hervanico, from the best tutor. Hervanico is an advisor -- his job is to know, not to teach. Secure your successor and report to the Tank -- you've earned it." He pulled a drawer out from his desk, retrieved the scholar's file, pulled a stamp from a different drawer, held the stamp close to his chest for several seconds until he heard a short *click*, stamped the file closed! and handed it to the scholar. 

The scholar, whose name has been lost, thanked his master and hurried out of the room with the air of a child who has been given a decision he does not wish changed. Within a few minutes, Hervanico walked up to the doors with a scowl, opened the great oak door with his face close to it, closed the door while facing it, wiped the scowl off his face - replacing it with a sad smile (the best he could do, given the circumstances), and turned to face Queros. 

"What may I do for you Master Queros?"

By this time, Queros had put the orb safely away in another desk drawer , covered in a silk cloth. "Do you know of a town with a statue of a rider in the square and a town hall about the size of the North Eron chapel with a beat up green roof?"

"Was the town center square or round sir?" A confused look came over Hervanico's face, masked worry.

"Oblong." The short ruler wondered at the face his advisor was making but gave no indication.

"That's Liventop sir. My hometown. Why do you ask?" It all came into place. Hervanico's recent attitude, the silver and water rights, the war in Hotenmoore, the nation that held Liventop. 

"I had a vision of it, associated with prosperous trade. Thank you Hervanico, that will be all."  Queros sent his advisor out of the room, issued a formal order for Hervanico's shadow and possible arrest, when the time came. Time to test Hervanico's loyalty and the glass ball's power. He sat down, pulled out his writing implements, and headed his todo list "Annex Liventop."

"Annex" Flash Fiction © Ben Clardy V
Creative Commons License

2 comments:

  1. I really liked the part, for some reason, where you described the town hall with the green tattered roof -- I got a good visual picture from your description, and it took me there. I also enjoyed the paragraph where you talked about him replacing his scowl with a sad smile and that was the best he could do! I really liked it when you ended by saying the character headed his "to do list" with "Annex Liventop".

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  2. Solid. All of my complaints have more to do with the limits of the format than anything else - it's hard to get a feel for the characters you've portrayed, although Hervanico came through pretty well, I think.

    There's minor editing to do, with some misplaced punctuation (also, it's "to-do"), but, again, that's a limit of the medium - it's flash fiction. It doesn't have to be fucking perfect.

    The only thing I'd recommend is paying attention to how the characters speak - and keep in mind that this is my opinion - but I don't see a lord powerful enough to command the services of scholars and (presumably) mages using the word "weakest" to describe the loyalty or military might of a town - he'd be more precise than that. That can be boiled down to "think about how the characters would talk, even if it sounds dumb to you. Your characters are allowed to sound dumb to you."

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